


Silence the Monsters in Your Head.

by OTPGirl



Category: Black Friday - Team StarKid
Genre: M/M, McCrossLee, P3IP, Wilbur is feeling less than, and Xander helps him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:14:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24334171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OTPGirl/pseuds/OTPGirl
Summary: A sequel to Finally Home, and Finally Safe, and Finally Free based off of the following prompt from studyofwhump on Tumblr."Please, just let me help. Listen, I get it. I-""No! No you don't get it! You don't understand what this is like for me! You don't understand how- how someone can utterly fuck up your life and leave you completely broken! How can you say you understand any of this?! You've never had someone take everything you used to be and shatter it like it was some kind of game! You've never had someone break you because... because they knew they could get away with it. And you couldn't do anything to stop them..."
Relationships: Wilbur Cross/Xander Lee, Wilbur Cross/Xander Lee/John McNamara
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	Silence the Monsters in Your Head.

Wilbur was going to therapy, just like the head of PEIP had ordered him to. While the woman he was talking to was very nice, and she certainly was able to help with some of the trauma caused by being locked in his own mind for thirteen years, there were some things that he had to work through by himself. 

Like the fact that he could still hear Wiggly whispering to him.

The eldrich monster whispered to him at random times, with seemingly no trigger. He would try to convince Wilbur to come back to him, threaten him when he refused, mocked him for his perceived weaknesses. But the worst of it was when he was trying to enjoy time with his partners, John and Xander. 

Sometimes it was when he was training with John, sometimes when he was working in the lab with Xander sharing what he knows about Wiggly as they try to find a way to take him down, and sometimes it’s when he’s enjoying a movie night with the two of them and the girls. 

When Wiggly whispers to him during those times he tries to plant seeds of doubt in his mind. He tells Wilbur that they don’t really care about him, let alone love him. They’re just using him and once they’re done they’re going to get rid of him. They’re going to lock up away just like he’s afraid of. 

Wilbur must have some sort of tell whenever it’s happening, because John always seems to know that somethings wrong. He’ll always give Wilbur a soft smile and a reassuring squeeze of the hand. If they’re somewhere private with no chance of another agent seeing John will give him a soft kiss. 

Xander appears to be learning to recognize whatever it is that John picks up on because over half of the time he’ll start telling a story to distract Wilbur, and will give him a wink when Wiggly has faded into a memory. 

It seemed that every time it happened Wilbur remembered a little bit more about what he has done during those missing years, and that terrifies him. He doesn’t want to know, he would be much happier not knowing. That’s probably why Wiggly was making him remember. 

The one time Wiggly never seems to harass him is at night when he laying in bed with Xander on his left and John on his right. He has never felt safer than when he’s sandwiched between the two of them, able to relax knowing that anything that might want to hurt him wouldn’t be able to get through the two other men. 

One day, after a particularly trying therapy session, Wilbur was feeling agitated as he made his way to the lab. Xander turns his head when he enters and greats him with a large smile and a wave before turning his attention back to whatever he was working on. Wilbur sits down on one of the spinning stools and lets his leg bounce rapidly as he picks at the skin on his thumb. Xander glances over at him, a worried expression on his face.

“Everything alright dear?” He asks softly, moving away from what he was working on. Wilbur looks around the lab, feeling grateful that they’re the only two people in it at this moment, Once Xander’s close enough Wilbur leans his head against Xander’s chest, letting some, but not all, of the tension drain out of him when he feels a hand come up and start petting his hair.

“Today’s just a rough day, that’s all.” Wilbur sounded slightly broken as he spoke and it broke Xander’s heart to hear. 

“Tell me about it, let me help.” He implored, but Wilbur responded with a shake of his head. “Wilbur please, I’m here for you. I can help, you just have to let me.”

Wilbur pulled his head back, dislodging Xander’s hand from his hair. 

“No you can’t.” He said gently, trying not to sound like he’s snapping at the other man. “I appreciate that you want to help Alexander. It shows how compassionate you are and that’s one of the many reasons I fell for you. But you can’t help with this.”

“I can, you just need to talk to me.”

"Xander-” Wilbur was close to snapping, he just needed Xander to stop pushing.

“Please, just let me help. Listen, I get it-” 

“No, you don’t get it!” Wilbur explodes, “You don’t understand what this is like for me! You don’t understand how- how someone or something like  _ him _ ” he spit with venom in his words. “can utterly fuck up your life and leave you completely broken! How can you say you understand any of this? You’ve never had someone take everything you used to be and shatter it like it was some kind of game! You’ve never had someone break you because…” Wilburs voice was wavering and he could feel the familiar prick of tears welling up in his eyes. “ because they could get away with it. And you couldn’t do anything to stop them.”

Xander wraps his arms around Wilbur’s shaking frame and Wilbur balled his fists in the other man’s shirt. The tears were falling freely from his eyes at this point. 

“I’m a monster Xander.” He sounded completely broken, shattered even, and Xande wished he could take all of Wilbur’s pain away. “I’m still learning about what I did, and it’s horrifying. If you and John knew the half of it you’d lock me up and never look back and I can’t… I just can’t.”

“Wilbur, you are not a monster. I don’t care about anything that you’ve done in the past thirteen years and I can promise you that John doesn’t either. You are a victim in all of this, and if you call your self a monster that means he wins. And we’re not going to let him win. Not today, not ever.” 

The two of them stay in that position for a moment. Xander giving all the comfort he can and Wilbur gladly taking it. 

“I’m sorry for blowing up at you.” Xander tightened his grip slightly when Wilbur apologizes. 

“You don’t need to apologize. I told you, you’re not alone. Even if you don’t think that I’ll understand, you can always talk to me about anything, and I won’t judge you.”

Wilbur thanked him weakly and Xander gently pulled him out of the lab and towards their room. Wilbur half-heartedly tries to argue that they have work to do, but Xander brushes it off. 

“You’re more important.” Xander had a soft smile on his face when he said that and Wilbur felt so loved at that moment he thought his heart might explode.

Xander situated them on the bed, Wilbur’s head pillowed on his chest and he plays with his hair. Wilbur suddenly felt very tired and he quickly fell asleep listening to the sound of Xander’s heart beating. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please come talk to me over on Tumblr  
> Ijustwantjohnmcnamaratobehappyok


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